Since I have no one to talk to right now, I'll fill you up with my thoughts instead. Yesterday, my mom and I talked about my future.Mom: Hindi ka pa ba bumibili ng reviewer mo?Lianne: Ha? Para saan?Mom: Para sa mga exams mo.Lianne: Hindi. Kayo na bahala doon. Kayo naman may gusto eh.Mom: Hindi mo ba gusto ang course mo? Hindi ka naman nagsabi eh.Lianne: Hindi naman kayo nagtanong eh. Nag-bargain pa tayo dati na dito ako mag-aaral tapos kukunin ko course na gusto nyo basta hindi lang ako sa States mag-aaral eh. Hindi pa ba obvious yun?Mom: Eh wala ka naman din ibang alam na gawin. Ngayon pa ba tayo magtatalo?Lianne: Hindi na nga eh. Wala naman talaga ako magagawa."Eh wala ka naman din ibang alam na gawin."
Woo! It hurt me. Really. I asked her before if I can have my singing lessons
. Did she support me? No! She said that it will just add to her expenses
. OK. I understand that. I also asked her if I can go with Tito Robert when he has his shoot for a commercial
. She didn't even like the thought
of it. Then I realized, yeah, I don't know anything. But is it really my fault? She doesn't like what I want, then, how will I learn other things if she, herself, won't let me? She keeps on planning my life and don't even bother to ask me if I'm fine with it."Eh wala ka naman din ibang alam na gawin."
Thank you very much for boosting up my self-esteem, Mom. Gah! It was very helpful of you, really. Psh! What did I ever accomplish? Nothing, I guess. Nothing for you. Nothing. Zero! Nada! You don't give me credits. I'm sorry if I'm not
as smart as you. I will never be like you because ever since I was a kid, I hated your job. Why? You're always not around. I want to take care of my own kids (in the future) and not some nanny who I used to play with most during my childhood
days. I bet you didn't know about that and you will never know, huh?
Oh well. Oh well. Oh well. I just have to deal
with it for the rest of my life. I still love my Mom. Anyway, in October/November, I/we will go back to LA. Shh! Don't tell anyone. No pasalubong! No moolah!
I just found out about it yesterday. Remind me not to ask anything from my Mom.
Labels: family, feeling, problem, sad